He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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