A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
