Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
