i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
