Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
