I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
