Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
