Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
