is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
