hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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