so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
