He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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