it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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