McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
