i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
