Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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