only you would photoshop your dick
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
