i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
