Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
