my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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