He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
