Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
4 words: hood of his car
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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