theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
