So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All the doctor said was why
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
