Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
