...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
