he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
