My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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