i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
