sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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