yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
