so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
