'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
