Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
