I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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