i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
