He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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