I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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