i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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