I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
