I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
