i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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