i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
