The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
