I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
