I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's blow job season.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
