He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He shit in the fireplace
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
