i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
