Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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