Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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