Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FUCK WHALES
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
