I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
