If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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