i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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