Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
