her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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