Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
