either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
